


Bacon Sandwiches

by ChoseToSeeTheBestInYou



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChoseToSeeTheBestInYou/pseuds/ChoseToSeeTheBestInYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A CS au fanfiction<br/>Emma and Killian were best friends in high school, until she was moved. They never saw each other again, until they run into each other 10 years later...</p><p>So, I was playing around with the 'Random first line generator' and I got "Bacon sandwiches always reminded her..." and decided to make a fanfiction out of it...So this is what happened. Hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So...This is what happened ^^ Sorry for any mistakes made, english is not my first language. Reviews would be great! You can also find the story on my tumblr page: http://chosetoseethebestinyou.tumblr.com/post/115773432899/bacon-sandwiches-part-1-cs-au-ff  
> Have fun! : )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo first chapter of ...wahtever this is ^^

Bacon sandwiches always reminded her of their first lunch together. That was 10 years ago, she was 16, the new girl in school. The ugly duckling no one wanted to talk to, just a lonely little orphan. Except for him, he just smiled and sat across from her. Ever since that day, they had been best friends, the orphan and the nerd. Their classmates ignored them completely, but that didn’t matter to them, they had each other, and that was all they needed.

 

He easily became the most important person in her life. Actually he was the only good thing in her life. Until that one day, when she was sent away to a new foster home. She never got the chance to say goodbye.

 

\- - - - - - -

 

It was raining again, not that it surprised her. Emma Swan had lived in New York for 5 years now, working as a Bail Bondsman. She was used to the rain, the monotony. Although her life had reached it’s lowest point after she had lost her best friend, now, it wasn’t that bad.

\- - - - - - -

After she had to leave her home of almost 2 years and with that Killian Jones, her best friend that she secretly had a crush on, she had to move to Boston. There she met David Nolan, his mother worked at the library across the street from her new foster home. She always escaped the nightmare that was her life by spending every free minute in that library. It was quite old, but also very cozy. She felt more at home there than she had anywhere else. At least that’s what she has been telling herself, desperately trying to forget Killian who was still on her mind at every moment.

She and Mrs Nolan actually became friends in a way. And so did she and David who started to watch over her like an older brother.

That never changed, not after she finished high school, not after she moved away. Not even when he married his high school sweetheart Mary Margaret and spent most of his time with her. Actually Mary Margaret became Emma’s best friend.

 

So while she never found her biological parents nor got adopted, she still found a family of sorts. Instead of spending holidays alone in her apartment she spent them with Mary Margaret, David and his family.

 

\- - - - - - -

Finally escaping the rain Emma entered her favorite Diner. The small place was owned by Mary Margaret’s friend’s grandmother. But her granddaughter Ruby worked there as well as a waitress.

And apparently she was working today as well, because her dark hair with red highlights was the first thing Emma saw as she entered the Diner. Ruby turned around and smiled friendly at her “Morning Emma! The usual?”

“Actually no, I woke up this morning with this weird craving for a bacon sandwich.”

“Hmmmm, cravings for weird food, huh? Maybe someone here is pregnant?” Ruby winked at Emma while writing down her order.

“Well, modern technology can do much, but you still need a man to get pregnant. And since I haven’t had a boyfriend nor a one nights stand in forever the answer is simply no.”

“Hey, I offered you a lot of chances for blind dates with some of Victor’s friends, and…” But she didn’t finish that sentence when she saw Emma’s glare “Bacon sandwich it is! It’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

With that Emma sat down in the same booth as always and took out her phone. Suddenly she remembered that she had forgotten to order a drink, but before she could even open her mouth Ruby already placed a hot chocolate with cinnamon in front of her. “You didn’t actually think I’d forget the only drink you’ve ordered here in the last four years, did you?” She smiled at Emma, thinking of the first time she had come in here together with Mary Margaret four years ago. “Thank you.” While Ruby went back to the counter, Emma shrugged off her red leather jacket she was still wearing and took the first sip of her hot chocolate. A few minutes later more people began to enter the diner, it became louder inside the small place. Not that that disturbed Emma, she was completely focused on her phone and the pictures of Leo, David and Mary Margaret’s son, that Dave had just sent. She only looked up when Ruby brought her her bacon sandwich. Emma gave her a short smile before focusing on her phone again. The smell of her bacon sandwich made her mind flood with memories of that lunch 10 years ago…

 

\- - - - - - -

She sat down at the only free table. Not that there weren’t any free seats at the other tables, but her classmate’s glares were enough to show her that sitting with them was not an option. It was extremely loud in the cafeteria. Most students were probably talking about their summer breaks, catching up with friends. Emma was about to take the first bite of her sandwich when she heard a voice with an accent behind her. “Bacon sandwich, huh? And here I thought I was the only one actually eating that.” turning around she saw a boy about her age standing there with a bacon sandwich in his hands. He was smiling at her, making his blue eyes sparkle a bit behind his glasses. “Umm, no, I quite like it…” Emma mumbled while keeping her gaze down. The boy started to walk around the table and sat down across from her. He was wearing a dark jeans and a worn-out t-shirt with a logo printed on it. It seemed to be the logo of a band…or a TV show, Emma wasn’t sure. Aside from that he seemed pretty slender and his ears were a bit to big for his head that was covered in dark, messy hair.

“You, um, you really don’t have to do this, you know.” she said, finally gathering the courage to look him in the eye. But he only cocked his head and looked at her slightly confused. “Do what?” he asked when she didn’t explain any further immediatly.

“You know, sitting with me. Being nice. It’s okay, I’m used to being alone.” she answered. But she regretted it afterwards when she saw the way he was clearly amused.

“Well, while I’m sure you are wonderful company, love, this is actually my table. So, if we’re being correct here, you’re the one sitting with me.” he replied with a smirk. Seeing the way her cheeks began to blush he winked at her.

“Oh, I..I didn’t know that. Sorry. I’ll go sit somewhere else…” Emma started to get up when she felt a hand on her arm. Looking down she saw him looking straight at her. “No, please. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I really wouldn’t mind some company. I’m Killian, by the way. Killian Jones.”

Emma smiled at him and sat down again. “I’m Emma. Emma Swan.”

 

\- - - - - - -

Emma took another sip of her hot chocolate, but she didn’t actually pay attention to what she was doing and so she spilled some of it onto her white sweater. “Really?” she asked herself. She started to get up so she could wash it out in the bathroom when she suddenly bumped into someone. Since she hadn’t even been on her feet yet, she lost her balance and fell down. “Bloody hell, I am so sorry! Are you alright, lass?” the man she had just bumped into asked her in a smooth accent. She felt his warm hand on her arm, helping her to stand up again. Once she was back on her feet she looked at his face for the first time. Well, actually not the first time. Her breath hitched and her heart seemed to stop as she looked in those striking blue eyes that have been on her mind for 10 years now. And he seemed to recognize her as well. His eyes were widening, his hand still on her arm.

“Emma?!”

“Killian…”

 

To be continued....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like it?? Yes or no, I'd love to know your opinion!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm back!!! This is the second chapter of Bacon sandwiches. I hope you like it!!!   
> Reviews are always appreciated! You can also find the story on my tumblr: http://chosetoseethebestinyou.tumblr.com/post/116392304259/bacon-sandwiches-chapter-2
> 
> <3

Emma was sitting in her room, watching the sun go up. It was very early on a Monday morning, she hadn't slept all night. Maybe because she had slept so long the day before. Or it could also be, and that's more likely, because of what happened the day before with Killian... 

They had met at the park to enjoy the good weather, knowing it probably wouldn't last very long. At the beginning it was like always when they were together. They were laughing, joking around. When the sun began to go down the started to walk back home. Even though the summer was almost over it was still warm, a soft breeze in the air. The leaves started to change their color from green to red, brown, orange and yellow.   
"I won, by the way." Killian stated like it was he most obvious thing in the world.  
"What?! No you didn't. I did a way better handstand than you did!" Emma replied quite offended. They had held some contests earlier to see who is more athletic then the other. Although Killian was definitely not an athlete he had won most of them. They had just finished the "Who can do a better handstand?" contest when they had decided to go home.  
"Oh really? Then tell me this, love, why exactly did you want to go home the second you saw my handstand?" he asked with his trademark smirk on his face.  
"I was feeling bad for you. And since I'm such a great friend, I didn't want to embarress you even more by stating the obvious." Emma walked a few steps ahead, smiling at him over her shoulder.  
"Of course! How could I have not seen that? So sorry, lass." he replied while catching up to her "Then you won't mind repeating our contest, I take it?" he could see the struggle in her eyes that was soon replaced by smile.  
"Not at all!"  
"Okay then, lady's first!" he winked at her while doing a mock bow.  
"Gentleman, huh?" Emma looked at him a bit doubting.  
"I'm always a gentleman, love." Emma simply huffed at that. Trying to do a handstand -and failing miserably- Emma fell down. But instead of being embarressed she just laughed along with Killian.  
Killian reached her his hand to help her up and she grabbed it with a smile on her face. But apparantly too soon. Her balance hadn't fully returned so instead of getting up she just ended up tumbling down again and this time taking Killian with her. He landed on top of her and they both laughed even more. When they finally caught their breath they realized exactly how close they were. Their faces were only inches away, their noses almost touching. Killian began to lean down towards her, his eyes wandered from her eyes to her lips and he could swear that Emma was leaning up as well. Their lips were almost touching -  
"Killian? Killian where are you? It's getting late!" His brother Liam was apparently looking for them, and he had found them. Emma and Killian jumped apart when they heard him approaching. Both of them back on their feet they avoided looking at each other. "There you are! I thought you said you'd be home about 30 minutes ago?" Liam was standing right in front of them by now.  
"Sorry, brother. We...kinda forgot the time." Killian's gaze drifted to Emma shortly before looking at his brother again.  
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Swan." Killian said turning to Emma although it sounded more like a question.  
"Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow!" With that Emma turned around and started to walk back home, her face still completely flushed from what had almost happened...

Emma shook her head to get those memories out of her head and started to get ready for school when the door to her bedroom opened. "Pack your stuff!" her foster mother hissed at her coldly.  
"What?! Why?" Where they going somewhere? Did Emma forget some trip they had planned?  
"You're moving to a new foster home. Today." With that she left the room, shutting the door.  
Emma fell onto her knees and the tears started to fall as well. Not that she liked this home, definitely not. But this would mean she would have to leave behind the one thing she just couldn't lose... Killian.

\- - - - - 

His hand fell from her arm. Neither of them was saying anything for what seemed like hours.   
Everything was...not really awkward, after all they were not past lovers running into each other together with their new partners, but there definitely was tension.   
"You want to..maybe...sit down?" Emma gestured towards the booth were she had set only two minutes ago. Before her life got turned upside down. "I mean, if you don't want to then that's totally fine. I just thought...I don't really know what I thought-" she started rambling but got interrupted by Killian. "I'd love to" With that he smiled at her, but it did not quite reach his eyes.  
After sitting down the silence continued. It was obvious what was on both of their minds: What happened ten years ago? Where had she disappeared to?  
And still no one spoke of it until Emma broke their silence. "I was moved" Killian looked up at her "To a new foster home. They told me to pack my stuff on Monday morning before school and I had to leave a few hours later." Killian frowned at that. But he also seemed almost...relieved. But Emma couldn't understand why. What did he think where she had gone? And why?  
While Killian was looking at his hands, apparently thinking about what to say, Emma used that chance to actually look at him. He had changed. Obviously. He was taller, not as slim as before. Definitely more muscles. And his ears didn't seem to big anymore. On top of that he didn't wear his glasses anymore. With other words, he looked absolutely striking. But something else had changed, the look in his eyes, it wasn't warm and friendly as it had been ten years ago. It was distant.What had happened in those ten years?  
"Why did you never contact me? You knew my telephone number...Or write me a letter?" He asked looking into her eyes. Gods, he had missed her. She looked even more beautiful than she had back then.   
"Before I got to my last foster home in Boston, I spent about 4 weeks at another one. They didn't allow me to leave the house except for school. I wasn't allowed to write any letters either, let alone use the telephone. When I was moved again to Boston, I got to a family that was a bit friendlier. I mean, they weren't that great, but they mostly let me do what I wanted. But when I called you, no one ever picked up. So I send you a letter, but they all came back unopened." Emma explained while sipping her hot chocolate, well, what's left of it.  
Killian sighed and went through his (still messy) hair with his hand. "We moved." He looked up at Emma "Back to Ireland. Liam had thought about it for some time, but..." But I was always able to convince him to wait until I was 18 so I could live alone, because I couldn't bare the thought of losing you. But then you disappeared and there was no reason for me to stay anymore."But he wanted to wait until he was sure he'd get a job over there."  
He was lying. Emma could see it easily, but why?  
"So we packed everything and moved about three weeks after you had disappeared." Emma just wanted to hug him and never let him go, but that was not an option. A lot has happened in those ten years, they both had changed. They both were hiding their real selves behind walls.  
She opened her mouth to say something when they got interrupted by Ruby.  
"Hi! I'm Ruby, your waitress. What can I get you?" Even though the question was clearly directed at Killian Ruby's eyes wandered between him and Emma, a slight smirk on her face.  
"Oh, um, I'll just take a coffee, thank you." Killian smiled friendly at Ruby while she wrote his order down.  
"Alright, just a minute!" Ruby went back to the counter, but turned around and gave Emma a thumbs up over Killians head while mouthing "Hot" which made Emma blush. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. (He did)  
"Some things never change I guess" Killian gestured towards her bacon sandwich with a small smile on his lips. Emma chuckled slightly, she was glad to see the old Killian, her Killian, shining through. With that the ice seemed to be broken a bit.   
She was about to say something when her phone rang.  
"Hello?"  
"Emma? It's David. I wanted to ask if you're still coming over tonight for dinner?"  
"Yes, of course. I'll be there."  
"Okay then, see you later!"  
"See you tonight. Bye!"  
With that Emma hung up and looked back at Killian who had watched her during her phone call with that curious eyes.  
"Sorry, that was David" Killian frowned a bit at that. "And David is...?"  
"Oh David is my friend. Although he acts like my brother sometimes. His wife, Mary Margaret, is my best friend." He seemed to relax at that, but Emma wasn't really sure why.  
"Speaking of brothers, how is Liam?" Emma tried to change the subject, not wanting to talk about how she met David. Well, actually she didn't want to talk bout her past in general.   
Killian's face fell at her question. "He died. In a car accident eight years ago."  
"Oh Killian I am so sorry!" Out of habit Emma grabbed his hand across the table. Never had she regretted a change of subject that much. But she felt even worse thinking about all the pain Killian must have been through, and she wasn't there for him.  
"It's okay, love. It have been eight years now." but she could see he was still mourning for him. She squeezed his hand and offered him a soft smile. 

Emma still couldn't believe that it was really Killian sitting in front of her. The man she had once thought would be at her side for the rest of her life, maybe as more than just her best friend. The first person that ever actually cared for her, who had such a huge impact on her life. She just wanted to hold him and never let him go, but that wasn't her. Emma Swan did not do that.

It was actually Emma sitting there, holding his hand. How many years had he missed her in every waking minute, especially when he lost his brother. His best friend. After she hadn't been in school for some days he had went by her house. There her foster mother told him she didn't live there anymore. His world had crumbled in that very moment. And here she was as beautiful as always, if not even more. Killian had always had feelings for her, not that he ever told her. For some time he had been convinced that she had run away from her foster home because she didn't want so see him again after they had almost kissed. It had broken his heart.

When Ruby placed his coffee in front of him he looked up to thank her. But then his gaze fell behind her head on the clock on the wall.  
"Bloody hell! I was supposed to be back at work 20 minutes ago!" He looked at Emma and then back at the clock.   
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't want you to-" but she got interrupted by Killian.  
"Nothing to apologize for, love. I definitely don't regret it." He smiled at her causing her to blush a bit. "But I do have to go."  
"Of course, I understand. Should we maybe, you know, exchange numbers? So we can catch up or so some time?" Emma looked up at him with a hopeful glint in her eyes.  
"I'd love that." He gave her a charming smile that made her feel butterflies on the inside. Gods, what was he doing to her? He wrote down his number and gave it to her together with 20 dollars to pay for his coffee and her lunch.  
"You really don't have to pay." Emma tried to convince him.  
"I insist. It'd be bad form not to." With that he winked at her and started to walk towards the door.  
Ruby came by her booth glancing at the door where Killian had been just seconds ago.  
"I really don't know who that was, but he was damn cute, so you better don't let him go" But Emma didn't really listen, she was still looking at the phone number in her hand, smiling to herself.

It may have been ten years, and they both had changed, but Killian Jones still made her feel things no one else ever had...

 

To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I'm back once again! As always you can also find this chapter on my tumblr (same name).  
> Sorry this has taken a bit longer than usual, stuff came up...You know, life. Well, anyway, it is here now and I really hop  
> you like it! Reviews would be lovely <3  
> So, in this chapter we're gonna go a bit more into each of their lives, as they are now. Plus some flashbacks of course!  
> This chapter is for emma aka captainswan-coffee because she gave me the diea of writing a fic out of this in the first place!

He heard the front door open and close shortly after.  
"Oh there you are, dinner is almost ready." Liam turned around to look at his brother and was about to say something else, but the look on Killian's face stopped him. His face was pale, he looked like he had cried and there was pretty much no life in his eyes. "Killian, what's wrong? What happened? Did you and Emma fight?" Liam knew his brother had feelings for his best friend since the very first day.  
"No. She wasn't there" Killian's voice was barely more than a whisper.  
"Then why are you so upset?"  
"Because she wasn't there, Liam! She's gone! Her foster mother only told me she's not living there anymore." His hand went through his messy hair, a habit he had from Liam, while sitting down at the kitchen table.!  
"What do you mean she's gone? Where did she go?" The dinner was forgotten, instead he sat down next to him.  
"I don't know. Maybe she was moved. Maybe she ran away." Never in his life had Killian felt as bad as he did now. He hadn't even thought about the fact that maybe she ran away until he spoke the words. What if she did? And why? Was it his fault? Because of what he almost did?  
"You need to calm down. Emma knows our telephone number. And our address. I'm sure she'll contact you as soon as she settled in her new foster home or wherever she's staying if she actually did run away."  
Except if he was the thing she was running away from.

\- - - - - 

"There you are, mate! I was about to call ya, where the bloody hell have you been?"  
"Sorry, mate. I got an extended lunch break, so I had to stay a bit longer at work." Will gave him one of the rum glasses he had ordered for the two of them.  
"Locksley will be a bit late. So, what has been keeping you so busy during your lunch break?" He put down his drink and leaned back in his seat, looking at Killian with a raised eyebrow.  
Killian was about to answer when the door to the pub opened. Robin entered and scanned the room until his eyes landed on the two of them and he made his way over.  
"Sorry I'm late. Regina was keeping me up." He sat down next to Killian and took a sip of his beer, that he had ordered on his way over to their booth.  
"So?" Will was still looking at Killian in an expectant manner.  
"I ran into an old ...friend." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
"So a woman." Will shot back without hesitation. The man and question only sighed once more, giving Will all the confirmation he needed.  
"And who is that mysterious woman that got you so flustered?" Robin now joined the conversation. "An exgirlfriend?"  
"No! No. Emma and I were never more than friends" Not that he hadn't hoped they would be.  
"Emma? As in the woman you have been talking about all time when we met and about which you still start rambling when you're drunk? Your friend from high school?" Will looked at him clearly surprised.  
"The one he has a crush on?" Robin had often heard his drunk friend's rambling about that "absolutely gorgeous woman" he had met in school.  
"Yes Emma, and I do not have a crush on her." Killian gave them a stern look.  
"Of course not. I must have misinterpreted those pictures and letters you never sent in your drawer in your bedroom." Will obviously didn't believe him.  
"You looked through my stuff?" He tried to change the subject.  
"I was a bit drunk at that party a few months ago. But not too drunk to not remember that."  
Killian let out a deep breath. "Okay, so maybe I had feelings for her once-"  
"A few months ago." Killian was about to disagree when Will cut him off. "If you don't want people to know, then you shouldn't write the dates on every letter, mate."  
"If you are so smitten with that woman, just ask her out." Robin stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And maybe it would have been, but this was Emma they were talking about.  
"I can't just ask her out, today was the first time I've seen her after ten years! We both have changed."  
"Well apparently not too much if she still got you so flustered. And if she was worth writing letters to, even though you weren't sending them, for ten years, then I don't see the problem." Will leaned back and took a sip of his rum.  
_A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets..._  
That's what Liam would have said, especially if they were talking about Emma. His brother had always known about Killian's feelings for his best friend, without him ever admitting it.  
And bloody hell, he was going to fight for her. If that meant having to break through her well built walls of ten years and maybe in the end only being her friend, then it was already more than worth it. Because a life without Emma in it, now that he found her again, would be simply useless.

\- - - - - 

At the other side of town, there was a knock on the door of the three bedroom apartment belonging to David and Mary Margaret. Emma was waiting for the door to be opened, a bottle of wine in her hand. She was still processing what had happened during her lunch break. Having seen Killian after such a long time isn't something you just get over, especially not with him still making her feel like...that.  
"Emma! So glad you're here." The door opened, revealing David on the other side. He pulled her into one of his typical big brother hugs.  
"Hey." She smiled at him and walked into the apartment after he opened the door wider for her to step inside. Once she was inside, David noticed the bottle of wine.  
"Oh Emma, you really didn't have to bring anything. After all, we invited you for dinner."  
"Oh I know. This bottle right here is about the minimum I'll need tonight." Sure she was delighted to see Killian again, but it was a big shock anyway.  
"Did something happen?" David closed the door and looked at Emma, the concern was written on his face.  
"You could say that. I mean, it's nothing bad, definitely not, but...It's still something." She sighed, not knowing how to say it.  
"Come on, you can tell us over dinner." He put a hand on her back and gently guided her to the kitchen, where Mary Margaret was waiting for them.  
Dinner went great. The food was delicious and they all drank some wine, Leo was asleep in his room. When they were almost finished David brought it up again.  
"So, what happened today? Do I need to break someone's jaw?"  
Emma huffed at that, but she also smiled, because she knew that even though he was joking right now he would totally do it someone hurt her. And that is a feeling she is o grateful for, having people care for her.  
"No, you don't. I ran into someone today. Quite literally actually. An old friend." Emma took a sip of her wine.  
"A friend...or a friend?" Mary Margaret asked her with a raised eyebrow.  
"Just a friend." But the look on her best friend's face told her she wasn't buying it. Well Emma could see lies, but she wasn't really good at lying herself. And she was, because 1. she has always had feelings for him and had wanted for it to be more than just friendship and 2. he wasn't just a friend, he had been the best thing in her life. Never had she trusted someone like him.  
"Well, there has to be more to the story for you to be so flustered. Plus I don't remember any friends of you we haven't met." Of course not, after all she had almost no friends except for them.  
"Actually I've told you about him once or twice...Do you remember Killian? I told you about him not long after we met." The surprise was written on David's face.  
"Killian? Your best friend from high school? The one that made you feel so miserable?"  
"He did NOT make me miserable. I was miserable because I missed him."  
"But didn't you mention that something had happened before you left?"  
Mary Margaret was watching the conversation with curious eyes. Apparently Emma didn't remember their girls night 3 years ago where they both got a bit too drunk. They had started watching Disney movies, singing along and playing silly high school games. One of which was truth or dare. At some point Emma had picked truth and it somehow led to her time in high school.  
And since we tend to only remember the good, Emma talked about Killian for about an hour. About their friendship, her feelings for him, the stuff they did. Also about the evening before she left and what had almost happened. But since Emma hadn't mentioned it the day after, their heads still pounding from all the alcohol, Mary Margaret just let it go, not wanting to pressure her. But apparently she didn't even remember telling her all that.  
"It's more about what didn't happen, or almost happened. But that's not the point here." David seemed to relax a bit while Mary Margaret still stayed quiet, even though she knew exactly what almost happened back then.  
"So, how did he react? I mean did you talk?"  
"Yeah, we did. It was kind of strange at first, after all we haven't seen each other for 10 years. But then he had to go back to work." David furrowed his brows at that.  
"So, that's it? You run into your best friend from high school and just let him go?" Mary Margaret decided to join the conversation, without saying how much she really knew.  
"Well, I couldn't just ask him to skip work to have lunch with me. But we did exchange numbers so we can catch up at some point." Emma answered, her thoughts drifting back to the smile he had given her when she proposed exchanging numbers.  
"Then what are you waiting for, call him!" Emma looked confused at her best friend.  
"What?! It's been like a couple of hours. Do you know what it seems like if I call now? What he'll think?"  
"I thought you were only friends, so why does it matter what he may or may not think?" David asked, knowing what his wife was up to.  
_God damnit_ , they got her. _Play it down, Emma. Say something._  
"We are just friends, doesn't mean he needs to think I'm that lonely." _I'd say nice save, but it really wasn't. What is wrong with me?_  
The two sitting in front of her only smirked, but they let it go. _Thank god._

\- - - - - - 

"Ouch!"  
"Miss Swan, is there something you want to share with the class?" Mrs. Campbell turned around and looked at her. Her glasses made her look even more severe than she already did, but she was actually not that bad. She didn't give them much homework and always gladly helped if you needed it. But if there was one thing she didn't like, then it was students not paying attention.  
"Um, no. Sorry Mrs Campbell." Her teacher turned to the blackboard again.  
Emma threw a look over to Killian, who was sitting next to her and who had just kicked her leg under table. She mouthed "Really?" to which he just smirked and shoved a note in her direction. She unfolded it and saw read his message.

_Dear Swan,_  
are you free this afternoon?  
K. 

Okay, seriously, his handwriting was just ridiculously elegant. 

**Yeah, why?**

She scribbled underneath it and gave the note back to him. Emma watched him unfold it and read it with a smile on his lips.  
Not long after the piece of paper that he had probably taken out of his college block was in front of her again.

_Well, Liam has rented a little boat and asked if we want to take it out with him for a bit.  
K. , )_

There it was again, that so called one eyed pirate smiley of his. The first time he did it she was really confused until he explained it to her ("Normal smileys are boring, Swan. But pirates are quite cool. So, why not a pirate-y smiley?" he had winked at her along with that explanation). By now, she was actually really fond of it and smiled every time she saw it.

**Yeah, sure, sounds great!  
Em**

She shoved the note back towards him and watched a smile grow on his face while he read it.

\- - - - - 

Emma woke up in her apartment like any other Saturday. Except it wasn't. Well, actually today was rather normal but yesterday her life had completely changed. The memories of running into Killian came flooding back to her.  
She got out of bed and thanked her past self for not drinking any more wine yesterday, or this light headache she was having right now would be much worse. Stepping into the bathroom she removed the rest of yesterday's make up (she was way too tired for that yesterday). After taking a shower Emma went to her kitchen and made herself some hot chocolate. Just when she was putting the cinnamon on top (never make a hot chocolate without cinnamon), she got a text message.  
Putting the cinnamon down, she looked at her phone.

_Hey there Swan, just wanted to ask if maybe you wanna go grab lunch together today? I know a great place near the shorline. They make amazing hot chocolate (and bacon sandwiches).I'd be honored if you'd grace me with your presence, so we might catch up a bit.  
K. , )_

Okay, first of all, who texted like that? His text messages sounded better than any of her formal letters ever did. But she stopped thinking about that as soon as she saw it. There it was, that pirate smiley. Not that she's ever tell him, but damn, she had missed his dorky self. Probably even more than she's admitting to herself.

She couldn’t help but grin like a total fool while typing her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? Yes , no? I'd love to know your opinion. Thanks to the amazing marjolein aka onceuponahook (check her out on tumblr) for letting me use her pirate smileys! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, once again. Sorry this took longer than planned!! But, now here I am and giving you the fourth chapter of this! Thanks to everyone who still ahngs around and to everyone giving me reviews, I always love to read what you think!  
> <33 Thanks guys!  
> As always you can also find this chapter on ff.net and on my tumblr (both the same name as here)

"There you are! Didn't we say 4pm? Or did I just get it wrong?" Emma opened the door wider for Killian to come in.  
"No, you're right. We said 4pm. Stuff got in between, sorry for being late, love." Killian entered her foster parent's house and shrugged off his jacket.  
"Well, then let's get started, that biology project won't do itself, and – Oh my god, what happened?" Emma motioned towards his hand. She hadn't noticed it at first, but his hand was clearly bruised and there even seemed to be blood on it.  
"Oh, it's nothing. Just, you know, stumbled." He tried to hide his hand and started walking into the living room. Emma did not even need her super power (as she liked to call it) to see that he was lying.  
"Of course. You stumbled and managed to fall on your right hand only. And that so bad that it's bruised and bleeding." She gave him her best "Are you serious?"-look and crossed her arms.  
"Really, it's fine. Doesn't even hurt anymore." Killian smiled at her reassuringly, but Emma still wasn't convinced.  
"Killian, if someone did that to you, then we have to tell someone. Like Liam, or the police, or-"  
"No one did this to me. You know I'm telling the truth." He walked over to he and put his hands on her shoulder.  
"No, you're only telling me a part of the truth. What did really happen?" Emma looked at him pleadingly. He was her best friend, and if something had happened, then she wanted to know.  
"Emma, please. Can we just drop it for now? I swear to you, I'm fine." It wasn't the begging look in his eyes that made her drop the subject. It was the fact that he called her Emma. He never did that, he always called her Swan, love or lass. But Emma? He only called her that if he was really worried or something was really important. She sighed and started walking to the couch. He was as stubborn as her sometimes, so it was no use anyway.  
Thank god she let it drop. He loved her, he truly did (as more than just a friend), but he couldn't tell her. Or maybe, that's exactly why he couldn't tell her. Not only would she be mad at him if she found out (he knows she can look out for herself, doesn't mean she has to), but maybe she would start asking more questions. And maybe even find out about his feelings for her. No, he couldn't tell her that when he had walked out of school, he had heard that idiot Walsh and his group of friends talk about Emma. That they had called her a worthless, stupid orphan, but that they'd still sleep with her if they got the chance. That Killian had been so mad that he grabbed Walsh by his collar and punched him so hard his hand started bleeding.  
But he definitely didn't regret it. If he ever heard Walsh, or anyone, talk about like this about Emma again, he'd do exactly the same thing. That's the worst thing he can imagine. Someone hurting the girl he loves with all is heart. Emma.

\- - - - - - - 

Sounds great! Should we meet there? Or somewhere else?

He couldn't help but grin when reading her response. Killian had been afraid that maybe it had been too early to ask her to meet again. After all, they had only run into each other the day before, but he couldn't wait any longer. And when she had replied not even 2 minutes later, and actually agreed to meet up again, he was as happy as he could be.   
But she had a point there, where should they meet? Meeting there wouldn't be very gentleman like, sending a lady somewhere she has never been. But on the other hand, picking her up at her door, that made it seem like it was a date. And as much as he wanted it to be, he was sure she saw it as nothing more than having lunch with a friend. Killian ran a hand through his hair and sighed deeply. Oh screw it.

How about I pick you up and we go there together?  
K.  
He clicked "send" before he could change his mind. For the next four minutes Killian sat on his chair in the kitchen, nervously shifting from one side to the other, waiting for her to response.  
But when she did reply, his face lit up. Her message was simple, her address and a "see you later :) " but it made his heart flutter.

\- - - - - -

Emma had been a bit cautious at first, should she really send him her address? Letting him know where she lived was a big step for her, even though it may not seem like much to others. She had had boyfriends that didn't know where she lived until like four weeks of dating. But then again, it was Killian. And he was more than just some random guy she met in bar. So she sent him her address before she thought about it too much.  
Now that that was settled, she moved on to the next question. What was she supposed to wear?  
To be honest, it was a dilemma she normally didn't have to face. When she had to catch a guy for her job she normally simply took one of her tight dresses. She knew she looked great in them and that most guys where flashed by her appearance if she wore those, but this wasn't a date. Or was it?   
No. No it's just lunch with Killian. Sadly.  
Okay, that didn't really help. In fact, thinking about seeing Killian again made her even more nervous. She could also call Mary Margaret and ask her for help, but if she did, then her best friend would know that Killian was more than just a friend. And she most definitely didn't need trying to get Emma to admit her feelings on top of all this.  
Emma looked at the clock to see how much time she had left when she realized that they hadn't even said what time he would pick her up. She grabbed her phone and sent him a message to make sure she had enough time to get ready for their catching-up-as-friends-definitely-not-a-date lunch...thing.

Hey, just wanted to ask at what time you wanna go grab lunch?

Emma was looking through her closet, looking for something to wear, when her phone buzzed.

How about I pick you up at 12 p.m.?  
K.

12 p.m. So she had one and a hlf hours left to get ready.

Fine with me! See you then

After sending her reply Emma turned back to her closet and looked at her options. In the end she settled for one of her nicer Jeans, a white blouse with a deep neckline (the weather was much better than the day before, so she could go with something lighter) and her favorite red leather jacket to go with it. The outfit was casual, but the tight jeans and the deep neckline also charmed her curves.   
Making sure her hair didn't look like a complete disaster and putting on just a bit of make up, Emma was finished just as she heard a knock on the door. Oh god.  
Emma hurried out of the bathroom and walked to the front door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door.

\- - - - -

She looked beautiful, her golden hair galling over her shoulders in light waves, the tight jeans hugging her long legs and her smile making her face light up. His mouth was opened for several seconds before he could actually manage to say something.  
"Hey." Smooth, Jones.  
"Hey." Emma opened the door wider for him to enter. "I'm just gonna go grab my jacket."  
While Emma walked to what was probably her bedroom, Killian looked around in her apartment. There wasn't much personal stuff, almost no pictures on the walls, nothing that said much about her. Except some pieces of clothing, some on the couch, some on the floor. Emma had never been the most tidy person, and apparently that hadn't changed. Killian smiled remembering her bedroom at her foster parents room. If that room was ever clean, then it was because he did it.  
Emma walked back into the room, already wearing a red leather jacket. "Let's go." She smiled at him and he automatically smiled back.

Whatever tension there had been the day before, it was gone now. They had just arrived at that diner Killian had been talking about, and they were already laughing, joking around and talking like they had never been apart. It was strange, he had been so worried that they'd just sit there, eating their food and awkwardly look around, and now...Now they were the Emma and Killian from ten years ago. Maybe, he thought, it was because they were keeping the subjects of their conversations light. Yesterday they talked about why she disappeared, about Liam. But now, now they were talking about the weirdest things guys have done on a date in her job as a bail bonds person. About his mate Will and how drunk he was at a party some time ago. It was great, he had missed this.   
"Oh no, she didn't." Emma sat across from him, her eyebrows raised.  
"Believe me, she did. Regina walked into the apartment and dragged Robin out of there." At this point Emma couldn't keep in her laughter anymore. "But, believe it or not, this is her nicer self. Before she had met Robin, she was a real pain in the ass. She's friendlier now, Robin actually managed to make the evil queen go soft." Killian took a sip of his drink before leaning back in the booth.   
"Evil queen?" Emma sipped on her hot chocolate. He was right, they made one hell of a hot chocolate here. They even put cinnamon on top.  
Killian watched her drinking her hot chocolate and smiled to himself. He may or may not have told Belle, the waitress and also good friend of his, that they were coming by today. And that Emma like cinnamon on her cocoa.  
"Well, we always called her the evil queen. You know, normal neighbors say a friendly "Hello" or at least nod in your direction, but she either completely ignored you, or snarled at you. But ever since she's with Robin, she's gone a bit soft. Especially since she knows Roland."  
"Who's Roland?" Emma couldn't remember him mentioning him before.  
"Oh that's Robin's son. He's six years old and the most adorable kid you can imagine. Robin's wife died about 5 years ago, so it had been only him and Roland for some time. Until he met Regina."  
"How did the two of them even meet?"  
"Oh he lost a bet against me. The price was that he had to walk across the hall and try to talk to Regina as long as possible. Normally she shuts the door in your face after like one minute. But when he didn't come back after 30 minutes, we walked over and saw him and Regina sitting on her couch talking about god knows what." Emma laughed, and Killian had to admit, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.  
Belle came by and put down their Bacon Sandwiches "Two Bacon Sandwiches, here you go."  
"Thank you! Oh, and Belle?" Killian called out as she was about to turn away.  
"Yeah?"  
"Will told me to say Hi" Killian watched the brown haired waitress blush.  
"Oh, um...Tell him Hi back." With that Belle hurried back to the counter. Killian heard Emma chuckle across from him.  
"They have been dancing around each other for some time now. It's actually quite fun to watch." Emma chuckled again and took the first bite of her food. She hummed approvingly and Killian raised an eyebrow at her. "So you like it then?"  
"It's not bad. Although I must say those Bacon Sandwiches in the school cafeteria were the best of them all." Emma smiled smugly at him and took another bite of her sandwich.  
"Oh right. Except of course when there were hair in the food. Or other undefinable stuff." Emma laughed at that, remembering all those times they had made jokes about the disgusting food in high school.  
The rest of their lunch went by just as lightly as before and they decided to go for a walk along the shoreline afterwards.  
"So, how did you end up as a bail bonds person?" Killian turned to look at Emma.  
Should she tell him? It wasn't the most fun story. In fact it was probably the darkest chapter of her life 8except for losing Killian). The only people who knew beside herself were David and Mary Margaret (who knew because they were there when it happened). But..She felt safe with Killian. Like she could tell him anything. And so she started talking before she could think it over.  
"It's not the best story, to be honest. It started when I was 19. Even though I wasn't alone, I had David after all, I was kind of in a bad place. I started stealing stuff for a living, because even though I knew David and his family would have helped me, I didn't want to ask for help. I didn't people having to care for me. So, while I was stealing a car I met Neal. Long story short we ended up...I guess you could say dating. But in the end, he screwed me over. He let me go to jail for a crime he did and I never saw him again. I was in jail for eleven months and when I got out, I decided to change my life. Instead of committing crimes, I wanted to fight them. So...I worked as a sheriff of a little town for a while, before I decided to move to New York to work a bailbonds person."  
Taking a deep breath she looked over at Killian and saw a mixture of rage and sadness in his eyes. She hadn't even noticed that they had stopped walking while she had been talking.  
"Killian? Are you okay?" Emma took a step towards him.  
"If I ever lay hands on that bastard, I will..." Killian grunted out. It had happened again. Someone had hurt Emma. Back then it had Walsh, and he hadn't even said it to Emma, and he still punched him. And now, now this Neal guy hurt her beyond compare. And Killian wasn't there for her. Neal was the reason she was so closed off. If he had only tried harder to contact her. Maybe try harder to get her foster mom to talk. Or try to find out who her social worker was. Then maybe that wouldn't have happened to her. Killian was furious. At himself, for not being there for her, at this Neal guy, for doing this to her and at pretty much the whole world, for letting down Emma Swan. She deserved so much better. She deserved a family, people who care for her. He knew she had friends now, but he wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be the person she can talk to, the one to always be there for her.   
"Killian, it's okay. It has been a long time now and-"  
"No, Emma it's not okay. He used you. He let you go to jail for what he did." Killian became more angry with every word. His voice grew louder and louder. "That bloody bastard should be-"  
"Killian!" Emma laid a hand on his cheek so he would finally look it her "It's okay. I know you're just worried, and I'm so grateful for that, that you're here now, but I don't want to live in the past anymore. So, can we just let it go?" Thank god she didn't tell him she had been pregnant and gave up the baby for adoption. If she did, he would've probably completely freaked out.  
"I'm sorry, love. It's just..."  
"I know. Come on, let's keep going. And maybe talk about something a bit happier." Emma started walking again and Killian followed right after.

The rest of their afternoon went much better. They went back to lighter subjects, they laughed and enjoyed the good weather.  
"Hey, I have a small boat, maybe we could go sailing some time? Your friends, David and Mary Margaret could also come along?" They had just arrived at Emma's apartment and Killian turned towards her.  
"Yeah, sounds great!" Emma looked up at him and saw him smiling at her. "Thanks, Killian. Today was great."  
"Aye, that it was." Before he could say anything else, Emma had her arms wrapped around him. It took him only a second before he hugged her back. It lasted longer than a normal hug between friends, but he wouldn't want it any other way. He wasn't ready to let go just yet.  
"I missed you." Emma murmured, her arms still around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder.  
"I missed you too, Emma." Emma. He had said Emma. Gods, she had missed hearing him say her name like that.  
Emma was the first to lean back, her hands still on his shoulders. Looking in his blue eyes she saw pure happiness. And something else she couldn't really name at the moment. Their faces were only inches away from each other. If she'd lean up just a bit their lips would touch. Should she kiss him? What if he didn't feel the same way? Or what if he did and she'd screw it up, like all of her relationships? Then she'd lose him again, and Emma couldn't bare to lose him. Her gaze drifted to his lips for a second before she leaned away. This wasn't the right moment, was it? If it was he would have showed any kind of sign that he wanted it as well, right?

"Goodbye, Killian." Emma smiled at him once more before opening the door to her apartment. Just before she closed her door she heard him say "Goodbye, Swan." With a small smile on her face she closed the door.

\- - - - - -

He should have kissed her. Emma had just closed the door, but Killian was still standing there, frozen in place. It had taken all his willpower to not look at her lips. He could've just leaned down. But he didn't, and now he regretted it. Especially when he caught her looking at his lips, even if just for a second. It was the perfect moment, and he missed it. Bloody hell.

It had only been one day since he found her again, but she already turned his life upside down. And now that they found each other again, he will fight for her. For her trust, her friendship. For her love.  
He will win her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Good? Bad? Great? Terrible? Whatever you think, I'd love to know your opinion!! <3 Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. Real life just got in the way at evry possible moment. I hope you still enjoy this chapter!! <33 Thanks for being patient with me!

The door opened and she saw him again. For the first time in more than eleven months she saw him again.

"Emma." And with that she was in his arms. He was holding her close, letting her cry into his shoulder. David pulled her inside the little apartment he shared with his girlfriend and carried her into the living room. Sitting on the couch he held her and stroked her hair.

"Do you want to talk-" He felt her shake his head and held her more firmly. Eleven months. For eleven months she had been in prison for something she hadn't even done. For eleven months she had been alone. No one had been there for her. Not right after she got there. Not when she had given up her baby (She had told him when he visited her. The one time he visited her. She hadn't wanted him to see her there. She didn't want to seem weak.).

_One night. You get one night to break down. One night to let him be there for you. And tomorrow you pull yourself together. You had eleven months to think about what to do. And tomorrow is the day your new life starts._

David wiped her tears away and tried to soothe her. “It'll be fine. You're not alone.”

 

 

A knock on the door pulled Emma out of her thoughts. She stood up from the couch and straightened her top. When he had told her what they were doing she hadn't been sure what to wear, but one can never go wrong with jeans and a top, right? Plus, of course, one of her leather jackets. Emma opened the door and saw Killian leaning against the wall across from it. Pushing himself off the wall he walked, or pretty much swaggered, into her apartment.

“Ready to set sail, love?” Literally. They were going sailing. Like he had suggested. And David and Mary Margaret were coming as well. The two of them had been buggering her with questions about him for the last three weeks now. That's how long it had been already. Three weeks and they have already fallen back into their old routine. Hanging out, having lunch, watching movies. They were friends again, just like back in their childhood.

“Yeah, I'm ready.”.

Not long after they joined David and Mary Margaret by the docks, where Killian said his boat was.

Emma could see the two of them watching Killian carefully before they had even reached them.

“Hey!” Emma hugged them both before taking a step back and turning to Killian,

“Killian, this is David and his wife Mary Margaret. Guys, this is Killian.” He held out his hand which Mary Margaret shook immediately. “It's nice to meet you, milady.” She had a sweet smile on her face, but also a curious look in her eyes, which made Emma wonder what was going on in her head.

David was a bit more cautious than his wife, while politely shaking Killian's hand, with a strong grip, there was still this “I'm her big brother and if you hurt her I will end you look” in his eyes.

“Mate.” David just nodded at him.

They started walking along the docks to where his boat was docked. Emma heard David curse under his breath and turned around (she was walking in front of them with Killian) to see him hold a hand against his ribs. Mary Margaret must have hit him in the chest and Emma guessed it was due to his not so friendly behavior earlier.

“Thanks, um, for the invite.” David muttered just loud enough for the man walking next to her to hear.

“Of course, mate.” He turned towards Emma again and raised an eyebrow at David's obviously not willing “Thanks”. Emma couldn't help but smile at him.

 

As cautious and protective as David may have been at first, it got better once they were actually sailing. They started to get to know each other better, and judging by the looks on Mary Margaret's face, she had fallen for his charms. Not in _that_ way, no, she was happily in love with David, but she really seemed to like him. David though… He was more friendly, especially when Killian offered him a beer and the two of them sat at the helm, drinking and talking. They were discussing all kinds of things, from sports to cars to music. While the two men where deep in their conversation, she and her best friend enjoyed the sun and chatted a bit. It had been quite some time since Emma last felt so carefree.

“It's almost lunch time. I put the stuff for something to eat below deck, do you want to come along?” Emma heard her friend ask.

“Yeah sure.” They both got up and quickly informed the men about their plans before disappearing below deck.

“So, Jones...” David put down his can of beer and turned towards the dark haired man next to him.

“I feel like I know what's coming now.” He was like a brother to her, so Killian was expecting this. To be honest, he was actually hoping for it. As uncomfortable as this may turn out for him, it meant that while he was gone, someone had cared for her. And still did.

“That may be, but I'll tell you anyway. I don't know exactly what is going on between the two of you. And I also know, and I think you can agree with me here, that Emma can look out for herself just fine, but if you even think about hurting her, I will end you.”

“Well, you can spare yourself the trouble, mate. Hurting Emma is the last thing I wanna do. She is the most important person in my life.” _Bloody hell_. The words had fallen out of him before he could stop himself. David eyed him curiously.

“You care for her.”

“Of course I bloody care for her, I...Should I ever hurt her, I'll be waiting for you to end me. I couldn't live with being the reason behind her pain.” It hurt even more saying it out loud, since he knew that maybe he has already been. Sure it was her who had been gone, but it was him who didn't find her.

“You love her.” It wasn't a question. It was a statement. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but he still sounded just a tiny bit surprised.

“I…-”

“Don't try to deny it. I know that look. I've seen it many times, the way my father looked at my mother. The way I look at my wife every day. You're in love with her, aren't you?”

“Aye.” Killian looked up from his hands and let his gaze wander to the horizon.

Their conversation was interrupted there by Emma and Mary Margaret, who were coming up again.

David stood up and patted him on the back before strolling towards his wife.

_Did I just get his approval?_

 

 

Maybe she should have brought her old glasses, because she definitely wasn't seeing right. David had just patted him on the back. What happened between his protective big brother glares and now? Sure they had been talking, but Emma was pretty sure that was because David didn't want his wife to hit him, _again._

David joined them and gave Mary Margaret light kiss on the cheek. Emma looked over to where Killian was and saw a slightly confused look on his face before he joined them as well. _What were they talking about?_

 

The rest of their trip went great. They talked, laughed and simply enjoyed the day. Emma still didn't know what David and Killian had been talking about, but whatever it was, it changed things between them. They almost seemed like, _how would Killian say it_ , mates. But not only David seemed to get along with her...friend. No, Mary Margaret was smiling and laughing the whole time and shot her smug glances here and there. It was obvious she was trying to set them up, and she didn't miss any chances to push her in his direction. Literally. That resulted in Emma almost sitting on his lap by the end of the day. Earlier when they had settled for lunch there had been an appropriate amount of space between them, but at every chance she got, her friend found an excuse for either Emma or Killian to move closer to one another. Emma would like to think that he didn't notice (no need for him to know that her friend was trying to set them up), but judging by the smirk he sent her whenever one of them was moved by Mary Margaret, he did. _Great._

But aside from being embarrassed by her friend at every possible chance, it was a great day, Emma was grateful that her friends seemed to get along with Killian so well.

 

 

When their trip came to an end and they were back at the docks everyone said their goodbyes. Emma hugged both of her friends and before Killian had even time to realize what was going on the small woman in front of him hugged him as well. “Watch out for her.” She whispered in his ear. It sounded simple. Like a someone caring for her friend, watching out for her. But the gleam in her eyes when they leaned back told him that there was more to it. It wasn't just a request to be there for her, but also to not let her down. Emma had been let down by so many people and he saw what her friend meant. And while Mary Margaret may seem like a sweet, friendly woman, he knew not to underestimate her. Killian knew, if he really wanted to win Emma's heart, and be accepted by her friends, it wasn't David he had to get on his side. It was the innocent looking lady in front of him.

“Dave.” Killian held out his hand which David took and this time he didn't try to break his hand. It may not be much, but it still mattered to him. These were the most important people in Emma's life, so he wanted them to approve of him as what ever Emma allowed him to be, may that be her friend or something more.

Walking silently towards his car, Killian noticed that it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. In fact, it was rather pleasant. He could feel her next to him, their shoulders mere inches from each other, his hand almost brushing hers. Just as he thought about taking her hand in his, they reached his car and got in. Maybe it was for the better. Maybe it wasn't the right moment.

 

 

“So, do you wanna finish the project this afternoon?” They still had time until Friday, so three days left, but Killian would rather finish it now and have free time in the next days. Plus, of course, he'd like to spend that free time with Emma. They only knew each other for three weeks, but had been friends since their first lunch. He still remembered how awestruck he had been the first time he saw her, she was by far the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed that he had stared at her whenever she had looked away. Or so he hopes.

“Oh, yeah sure.” Killian was pulled from his thoughts when he heard the blonde beauty next to him answer his question.

“Well, my brother and me are moving into another apartment at the moment, as you know, so maybe it'd be better when we go to your place, Swan.” He hadn't thought much about what he said, why should he. But then he saw her expression change. Her eyes grew wide.

“Emma? Are you okay?” Killian started to get really concerned. “Did I say something wrong? I didn't mean to upset you.”

Emma seemed to snap out of whatever daze she had been in. “Uh, no. Nothing's wrong” She shot him a quick smile, but he could see it was fake. There was more to this. “How about we meet at the library instead?” With that she got up, packing her stuff, just like the rest of the class.

“Wait.” Killian got up as well and grabbed her hand.”Are you sure you're alright? If I said something wrong, I'm sorry, love.”

 

Emma could see the tenderness in his eyes. His hand was still holding hers, but not firm, she could go if she wanted to. Did she? Emma realized she had two options at that point. She could do what she always did, just run. After all, that's what she could do best. But deep down she knew, Killian would never judge her. _He's different._ She could also just tell him. That she didn't have an actual home. Only foster parents. That she was an orphan. How often had she been bullied when people had found out? Too often...Was it worth the risk? In the end Emma realized, she couldn't lose Killian. They may not know each other for long, but she trusted him. He was all she had. And running from him now would mean pushing him away, the only good thing in her life. So she took a leap of faith.

 

Killian saw the moment something in her changed. Emma took his hand more firmly and led him outside, out of the building. In front of school they sat down on the stairs and Killian waited for her to explain. He'd give her all the time she needed.

“The reason why...Why I was so...” Killian could see the struggle in her eyes. He took her hand in his again, the one she had let go of when they had sat down.

“Hey, it's okay.” He looked her in they eye and saw her calm down a bit.

“The reason why I didn't want you to come to my home is, because I don't have one. I never met my parents. They abandoned me on the side of a road. I've been in the foster family all my life, which is also why I never had any friends. I usually don't stay long enough to find any. And if I do stay longer for once, they  don't want to be friends with the orphan. I was afraid that, if you found out I live with a foster family, you'd leave as well...” There were tears in her eyes by now. The second she finished talking two strong arms came around her and tugged her close. Emma let herself be h e l d by him, it was calming and it simply felt  _ right _ . 

“ I will never leave you. No matter what. I promise.” Killian heard her snuffle shortly and leaned back to look at her face. He raised his hand and brushed away her tears before  p ulling  her  close to him again.

“I promise...” He whispered once more into her hair.

 

 

G oing up the stairs to Emma's apartment they talked about  the trip. Emma fumbled with her keys when she heard him say something.

“So, I hope you enjoyed the day?” She turned around to see him smile at he, but there was also a bit uncertainty in his eyes.

“I did. Thanks for the invitation.” Emma smiled back at him and saw him relax.

“Anytime, love.”  Emma blushed slightly at the endearment, even though she should be use to it by now. “Well, then I wish you a good night, Swan.” He shot her one last simile before turning around.

“Killian.” She called out for him. No going back now.

“Yes?” He turned around with a raised eyebrow.

”I just...” Without finishing her sentence she rushed forwards and hugged him. Killian didn't hesitate even a second before hugging her back.  He'd never miss a chance to hold her in his arms.

“Thank you.” He barely heard her whisper in his neck.

“For what, love?” Hadn't she already thanked him for the day.

“For coming back. For not giving up. For not leaving.” It warmed his heart to hear her say this. He knew her very well, it must have cost her a lot of courage to get herself to say it.

“Well, I had a promise to keep.” He felt Emma lean back and when he looked in her eyes he saw nothing but awe.

“You actually remember that.” She couldn't believe it. He remembered that promise he gave her more than 11 years ago on the stairs in front of school.

“Of course I remember. Would be bad from not to. Besides, there's not a single moment from our time together I don't cherish, especially one that meant so much to me.” Her eyes seemed to look right into his soul.

_ He remembered. He….Take a leap of faith, Swan.  _ And so she stood up on her toes and leaned towards him. Her eyes fluttered close and she could hear his breathing come shorter. And then it happened. The moment she had dreamed of for more than ten years. Her lips touched his and it was everything. He seemed surprised, that's for sure, and Emma was starting to think she made a mistake, but before she could even finish that thought, she felt his right hand cradle her head. His left hand wandered from her shoulder down her arm and took her hand in his. The kiss was sweet, gentle and….almost loving.  His lips moved against hers and the butterflies in her stomach went wild. It was everything she had imagined and so much more. Emma tilted her head to the side to deepen the kiss just a bit. The small sound he made when she cradled his jaw in her hand made her smile against his mouth. And with that smile still plastered on her face she pulled back and looked at him. She saw nothing but pure joy in his eyes.

 

He had imagined many different ways this day could go. But never had he dreamed to think that it would end in the best moment of his life.  _ She kissed me. Bloody hell.  _ And what a kiss it had been. It wasn't desperate or passionate, it was caring, gentle and, gods he may be imagining this, but it seemed almost loving to him. And when she pulled back and smiled at him like was the only light in her life, he found this sudden urge to tell her exactly how he felt. He wouldn't, of course, it was way too soon for that, but knowing that he wasn't alone with his feelings made him happier than he thought ever possible.

Emma bit her lip and only then he saw that her cheeks were bright red. It was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.

“Good night, Killian.” Emma took a step back, smile still on her face, but before she could withdraw his reach completely he leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on her cheek.

“Good night, Emma.” He could see her face go even redder  and couldn't help but grin at her.

Emma let go of his hand and moved towards her door. She shot him one last glance before she shut the door and he was alone in the hallway. He couldn't be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! <33 Did you like it? Yes or No? I'ma always glad to know what you think! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this took me 4 weeks. 4 WEEKS. I am so so so so sorry, life is simply a bit** and I got a writers block ontop of that and just ugh. But eventually I got around (with the help from my lovely Marjolein aka onceuponahook) and here it is, finally, the new chapter ^^  
> I hope you enjoy it!

Leaning against the door, Emma took a deep breath. She couldn't keep the smile off her face, even if she tried. To be honest, she wasn't sure what made her happier, that he kissed her back, _felt the same_ , or that she didn't run. Because that is what she does. It's the only thing she's really good at, running. But when he looked at her like she was everything, she didn't feel the need to run, instead she had had this strange urge to never let go. But it wasn't that easy.

At some point she walked towards her bedroom to get ready for the night, her lips still tingling from the kiss. It took her way longer than usual to fall asleep, but when she did her dreams filled with memories from their time in high school...

 

 

"Are you serious?" Emma raised her eyebrow at him.

“You've never seen it, so how do you want to know that you don't like it?” Killian plopped down next to her on the couch after getting the movie set up. “Also, you better like it. I'm not sure I can be friends with you if you don't like Spiderman.”

Emma huffed at that, she never minded that her best friend was pretty much geek of the year, at least at their school. Actually, she loved it, it made him even more adorable. Not that she would even think about telling him that.

“Okay then, let's get this over with.” Grabbing some popcorn she prepared herself for the movie.

“Hey, show some respect.” He retorted, causing Emma to grin at him.

Almost two and a half hours later the movie ended. She heard him shuffle next to her after shutting off the TV. “So?”

“It wasn't so bad.” Emma got up, taking the empty bowl from her lap and walking towards the kitchen.

“Not so bad?! Did we watch the same movie? It's Spiderman! Come on!” She heard get up from the couch and follow her.

“Relax. I was kidding. It was great.” Emma turned around facing him with a smile on her lips.

“Oh thank god. Now I won't have to kill you.” Killian smiled back, winking at her.

“Drama queen.” She murmured while rolling her eyes at him.

 

 

“What's up with you?” Killian raised an eyebrow at Robin's question.

“Excuse me?” They had met at their usual bar for some drinks, but Killian's mind was somewhere else.

“You're grinning from ear to ear. Oh, wait, I know. Wasn't today your date with Emma?” Will smiled at him with a knowing look on his face

“It was not a date. We were sailing with her friends.”

“Ah, but there must be more to it judging by your mood.”

“There may or may not have been a kiss at the end.” Taking a sip of his rum he averted his gaze, not wanting to go into more details.

“Now look at that, so you finally asked her out?”

“What? No. When did I ever say that? It was just a kiss.” _The best kiss of my life._

“Bloody hell, so you're telling me you know she feels the same but still haven't asked her out?” Killian sighed at his friend's question, if only it were that easy.

“You don't know Emma. I mean, she is amazing, but she is also guarded. She has always been, and even more now. She went through a lot. I don't even know if the kiss means she feels the same. Maybe it was just one of those spontaneous things you do and regret afterwards.” _Oh god._ What if she did? He had thought about the fact that she might be scared to take it further. That she might not be ready to be more than friends apart from her feelings. But what if she didn't feel the same? What if she saw it as a mistake?

 

 

What had she done?

She kissed him. Her best friend. Now, sitting on her couch, reflecting yesterdays events, she felt terrible. Not that she regretted kissing him, of course not. How could she regret the best kiss of her life? No, but on the other hand, she might have risked losing one of the most important people in her life. Emma Swan wasn't made for relationships, she had learned that by then. Friendship wasnt easy either, but easier. Especially since they had already been friends before. But taking it to the next level increased the risk of losing him. What if he noticed that he didn't actually like her that way? What if she opened herself to him and he let her down, not wanting to be more than friends? Could she really risk that?

No matter how she decided, one thing was for sure. She could not avoid him. He didn't deserve that, nor could she take it for long. She'd miss him too much. So, confronting it was.

 

**Hey :)**

**How about a movie night? For old times sake.**

 

It took her several minutes to actually hit the send button. This could decide how they'd continue. As friends or more.

 

_Yeah, sounds great! Let's say 7pm at your place?_

_Killian .)_

 

She was glad he proposed to do it at her place, she felt more comfortable here, perhaps it would make it easier to talk or not talk about what happened.

 

**Sure. See you then.**

**Em**

 

She only noticed she wrote Em instead of Emma after sending it. He was the only one who ever called her that, and that had been a long time ago.

Looking at the clock on her wall she saw that she had a few hours left. Enough to get some work done and take a shower. She had thought about going over to David and Mary Margaret, but knowing her friends, they would ask how the rest of the day went. Emma wasn't a good liar, and she really didn't need their “Take a leap of faith” speech right now, so she decided against it.

 

Time flew by and 7pm approached faster than expected. Emma had taken a shower and put on some fresh clothes, trying not to look like she sat on the couch all day long, which she had.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she got up from where she was sitting at the kitchen counter. Rubbing her hands on her jeans to get rid of the sweat there (Why was she so nervous, it was only Killian!) she walked to the door. Emma took a deep breath before putting on a light smile and opening the door.

 

The door opened and there she was.

Her smile seemed nervous at first, but once she actually looked at him something seemed to shift and her smile turned genuine.

“Hey.” Emma opened the door wider for him to step inside.

“Hey.” Why was this so weird? They were friends. Should he hug her? Or would that make it awkward after their kiss yesterday? Shaking hands was out of question, but so was a kiss. In the end Killian settled for a warm smile and holding up the bag chips he brought for their movie night. “I, uh, brought some chips. Bacon flavored.” That managed to make her laugh and with that break the tension a bit.

 

Killian followed her to the living room after closing the front door.

“So I thought, you know, traditions and so on, how about we watch Captain America?” Her voice distracted him from his thoughts and he looked at her where she was standing in the living room, DVD in her hand.

“Sounds great!” He held up the bag of chips with a questioning look.

“Oh yeah, right, you can find a bowl in the top right drawer in the kitchen.” Killian moved towards the kitchen, but got distracted on his way. Walking through the hall he saw pictures of Emma. While her living room had almost no decorations, here in the hall there were pictures of Emma, David, Mary Margaret and even some with Ruby. But it was one picture in particular that drew his attention. It showed Emma and David, both having happy smiles on their faces. Seeing Emma so happy warmed his heart.

It was only when Emma called out and asked if he found the bowl that he moved on and actually got the bowl. Once he got back to the living room Emma had already set up the movie and sat down on the couch.

 

 

To be honest, most of the movie she only watched Killian. As soon as it started something in his expression changed, he looked so much younger, more carefree. Like the young boy he was back when they watched their first movie together. Seeing him here next to her with a big goofy grin on his face warmed her heart. Especially when he looked over at her, both smiling, and their eyes locked for a moment before they both turned back to the TV.

She was happy. This realization hit her unexpectedly. Simply sitting here with him made her happy, and that scared her. Emma always knew she had feelings for him, there was no denying it, but acting on those feelings was something entirely else, even if he felt the same.

Emma didn't have the best experiences regarding relationships, and she wasn't ready to give up what she had with Killian for the small chance that it could work for a while. Her heart may be telling her to open herself up, to give him the chance not only him, but herself as well, deserves. But that feeling was shut down by her head, screaming at her to pull herself together.

So when he looked at her when the movie ended like he was about to say or ask something to which she knew she wouldn't know how to react, she tried to change the subject before it even started.

“So, still a geek on the inside, huh?” Emma smiled at him rolling his eyes.

“You're exaggerating, I simply like the movies.”

“Oh so if I'd happen to look around your apartment, I wouldn't find any Marvel or movie related objects?” She raised an eyebrow at him, not believing him for a second.

“Okay, so maybe I am. Not everything changes, you know.” _Just like my feelings_ , he added in his head. Killian wanted to talk about it, but he could clearly see that she was trying not to do so. And he wasn't going to push her, he'll wait until she's ready, no matter how long that will take.

“Oh really? What else hasn't changed?” The question was simple, but the intention clear. Emma wanted to know more about his past, the ten years they've been apart.

“Well, I still go back to Ireland from time to time, still say bloody way too often and still refuse to call football soccer.” Emma huffed but smiled at him anyway. “So, still visiting Ireland?”

“Yeah. After Liam died in the car accident, I went back there for the funeral and all the stuff had to be done, but once that was over, I kinda lost myself. Liam was the only family I had left, so spent my days drinking myself to oblivion, lost my job. It was a rough time, but eventually I got back up. Almost a year after Liam's death I met a woman. She, and my mates Robin and Will, were the ones who helped me to start living again. Her name was Milah, she was...amazing, but married. I was in love, so was she, that's why I didn't see her marriage as a problem. Especially when she promised me she'd divorce her husband to be with me, not just a secret relationship behind her husband's back, but she never did. One day I came back to our apartment, mostly it was mine, but she spent every free minute there with me, well I came home and that's when I saw them. Mr Gold, her husband, stood in front of her, the knife he held in his hand deep in her chest. I don't know how he found out about us, but when he saw me, he pulled the knife back and left the apartment. I called the ambulance immediately, but she was already dead when they arrived. She died in my arms. Her husband fled to god knows where, he was never caught.” Killian took a deep breath and looked at Emma. He hadn't planned to go so deep into his life.

 

 

Emma only noticed the tears in her eyes when he looked up from their hands (she's not even sure when exactly she started holding his hand) and their eyes locked. It was just so unfair. Killian had always been simply good. He always helped people, was kind and openhearted, he should not have had to go through all that. Especially with no one there to comfort him. Emma knows what it is like not to have a family, but not about losing it. She grew up with the feeling of being alone, until she met Killian. He was her family. Then they got ripped apart and he lost all of his family. His friend, his brother, his love. And she felt guilty. She was a bailbonds person, she could have found him. She could have been there for him. Why didn't she? Because of this, her mind told her, because he just opened his heart to you and you're just sitting here, not sure how to be there for him with these feelings between you.

“Killian, I...I had no idea.” He gave her a sympathetic smile, squeezing her hand.

“It's alright, it was some time ago now and-” But before he could finish his sentence, her arms were around him, holding him close to her.

Her head was telling her to let go, or she might do or say something she'll regret, but she couldn't bring herself to care, not when her best friend was in pain.

“I'm sorry” Emma murmured in his shoulder.

“It's okay.” _You're here now._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was that. As always, I'd love to know what you think! Also, if you have maybe ideas, I'd love to hear them <3 Thanks for reading <33


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ducks away* I am so horribly sorry. I know this took forever... Actually I had it ready for quite some days now but I got my wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday and was busy dying so I had no time to upload. Just so you know, I will NOT abandon this story, even if takes me forever to update. Now, I hope you enjoy this chapter :)  
> Warning, some angst ahead!  
> Thank you onceuponahook for beta reading, love you honey <3

It had been two weeks since their movie night. Since the day he shared his past with her, his heart. Emma was still surprised how easy it had been to just sit there with him, being there for him. After some time they had watched another movie, though they both were somewhere else in their minds. Emma had stolen glances at him from time to time, not sure if they should talk about it.

In the end they had both fallen asleep on the couch, but when she woke up in the morning, she had been in her bed. On her nightstand she had found a note, which Killian must have left there for her.

 

_Dear Emma,_

_Looks like we both were more tired than we thought. I woke about an hour after we fell asleep and thought it might be better if you didn't sleep on the couch all night, that did not look comfortable (but you always had the weirdest sleeping positions). Anyway, I brought you here, I hope that's okay, and let myself out._

_Thank you for the great evening,_

_Killian_

 

He had carried her to bed. That was such a Killian thing to do. “Thank you for the great evening” sounded like something you say after a first date, not after a movie night as friends (yes, they were _friends_ ). But it hadn't been a date. Right? Just because they had kissed didn't mean they couldn't hang out as friends.

Emma had been so confused, wanting to talk about it, but at the same time feeling this urge to never talk about it again.

 

Her worries had turn out as unnecessary when he had called a day later, telling her he'd be on a trip for work for ten days. So she didn't have to find a way to avoid the subject.

But that was then. He has been back for three days, but they haven't talked much. At least not aside from a “Back from the trip” and “Good :)”. It seemed...unusual. At least for Killian. She expected him to call, or even come by. But no such thing. She got really worried on the third day and decided to call him, but he didn't pick up. That was it. Something wasn't right, Emma just knew it. This wasn't like him.

She was about to grab her car keys to stop by when she got a call.

“Hello?”

“Is that Emma? Emma Swan?” A British accent. Who was that? And how did he get her number?

“Yes. May I ask who you are?”

“Oh right, sorry. My name is Robin. I'm a friend of Killian. Actually Killian is the reason I'm calling.” Car accident. Murdered. Disappeared. Emma's brain immediately when through all the options. Why would one of his friends, one she never even spoke with, call her if it wasn't because something happened?

“What is it? Is Killian okay?” At that moment Emma didn't care that she sounded like a desperate girlfriend. She couldn't handle losing Killian.

“He's fine. Well as fine as he can be given the circumstances.”

“What are you talking about?”

“It's the same every year. Today, eight years ago, Liam died. He drank himself into oblivion last night. I brought him home, but now he won't answer the phone, or open the door. I know he's in there, and that he can hear me, but he won't open the door. I juts want to make sure he's okay.” Every word felt like a knife in her heart.

“What can I do?” Everything. No matter what, she would do it.

“He's not listening to me, but I thought maybe he would listen to you? You two have a friendship, a connection, that goes way deeper. He may not appreciate me telling you this, but I have never seen him as happy as the day he ran in to you. I feel like he might listen to you.”

Emma was at a loss of words. For one part due to what Robin just told him, did she really make him that happy? Was there a chance that he….

She shouldn't think about this now. Because the other part due to which she was speechless was Killian. Emma wanted to be there for him, but she just wasn't quite sure _how_.

“Okay. I'll be..I'll be there as soon as I can.” She hadn't been there for him when Liam died, nor when he lost Milah, but she could be there for him now.

“Thank you, Emma.” He was about to hang up when Emma remembered something.

“Robin, wait. Could you, um, give me Killian's address?” She felt bad having to ask for it. She had been so busy trying to hide her feelings, to not open herself up for the risk of being hurt, she didn't even try to connect with him. Yes they had been friends, but things and people change.

Robin gave her the address and she left her apartment immediately.

The apartment building Killian lived in seemed fancy, but still modest. It wasn't too far from the city centre to be isolated, but still peaceful- well as peaceful as New York can be.

When she reached the right floor she saw a man standing in the hallway.

“Emma I take it? I'm Robin. I just wanted to wait until you got here in case something happened. I want to stay, to help, but...Regina needs me.” He gave an apologetic smile and a piece of paper with a telephone number on it. “If anything happens, just call me.”

“Will do. Thank you.”

Robin nodded at her and went back to the elevator. Once he was gone Emma stepped closer to the door that lead to Killian's apartment. She raised her hand, but stopped herself before knocking on the wooden door. How would he react to her being here? Would he even react? Or would he ignore her like he did with Robin?

Taking a deep breath Emma knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

“Killian? It's me, Emma.”

There was silence for a few moments, but then she heard a muffled voice.

“Emma?” He sounded completely wrecked, which was no surprise if he had actually drunken as much as Robin said he did.

“Yeah, it's me. Can I come in?” Emma was leaning against the front door, as if she was trying to be closer to him.

Silence again, but then she heard footsteps getting closer. She took a step back and waited for the door to open. The footsteps stopped but the door still didn't open. He was stalling, just like she had been. But then door opened.

She was expecting a very drunk, vexed Killian, but what she found was mostly just sadness. Yes he was really drunk (if you wouldn't already see that by the way he looks then at definitely by his smell), but it was the sadness in his eyes that broke her heart.

Emma hesitated for a second before stepping forward and holding him close to her. She knew he didn't her to tell him “It'll all be fine”, he just needed someone to be there for him.

She pulled back and closed the apartment door behind her before leading him towards the living room. They sat down on the couch and Emma immediately pulled him close again. In this state he was in he wasn't able to have a conversation, nor was that what he needed at that moment. So instead she just let him lay his head on her shoulder, her arm around his. She felt her shoulder get wet and looked down at him to see him cry silently. After a few minutes she heard a light snoring, telling her that he must have fallen asleep.

Emma looked down at him and the sight stole her breath. He looked so young, so peaceful. The only indication of his previous state were the dark circles under his eyes. She was glad he got some sleep, it would help him calm down and sober up, so that afterwards they could actually talk, if he was up for it.

She looked around the room and saw a bunch of framed pictures on a shelf. On one of them she recognized Killian and Liam, who had his arm around his younger brother. They both smiled for the camera and seemed completely content. No worries. Did it hurt him to see this picture every day? Or was it comforting, a happy memory? There were so many things she didn't know, but she was planning on getting to know him again.

After about three hours, in which she fell asleep again, he woke up, waking her up in the process.

“Hey.” Emma had apparently snuggled closer to him during their nap, so she brought some distance between them, a blush on her cheeks.

Killian groaned and ran through his hair with his hand. “Hey.” He seemed more sober than before, but not completely. He tried to get up, but Emma pushed him down with a hand on his shoulder. “Stay, I'll get you some water. Do you need an aspirin?”

“Top right drawer.”

“Okay.” She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before getting up. Looking around she quickly found a glass and the aspirin, so she went back and handed him both.

“Thank you.” For the first time since he woke up he directly looked at her, their eyes locking for a moment.

“Of course.”

“No, really, thank you. You didn't have to come over-”

“Hey, of course I did. Do you want to talk about it?” She asked in a quiet voice after a moment of silence.

“I...It's just-”

“It's okay, we don't have to talk about if you don't want to.” Emma turned her head away, suddenly feeling guilty for bringing it up. She shouldn't have pushed him, he was already dealing with enough stuff at the moment.

She was pulled from her thoughts when his hand grabbed hers and she looked back at him.

“No, it's not that. I appreciate you being here for me, and I want to tell you about it, it just has been a long time since I last did it.”

Emma squeezed his hand and gave him and encouraging smile.

 

 

_8 years ago…_

 

With a deep sigh Killian threw a glance at he clock. It was almost midnight, Liam should be home by now. A thunder outside caught his attention, the storm was getting worse and worse, but that happened in Ireland from time to time. _Where the bloody hell is he?_

Killian turned his attention back to the TV for a few minutes before deciding to call his brother, _again._

Voice mail, of course. Only that this time Killian decided to leave a message.

“Hey, idiot, it's me. Just like the last five times. I swear to you, if you sit in some bloody pub, drunk off your ass, don't expect me to pick you up in the middle of the night.” After taking a deep breath he continued “Call me back when you get this.”

He decided to wash off the dishes from the day before when the telephone rang. _Finally_.

“Oh look who finally decided to answer his phone.”

“Mr Jones?” The female voice on the other end surprised him.

“Yes...May I ask who this is?” He suddenly had a bad feeling is his guts. Something was not right.

“My name is Emilia Smith, I'm a nurse at the local hospital. Mr Jones, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your brother has been in a car accident.” Killian's heart sank to his feet. “He...He didn't make it.”

He dropped the phone and sank to his knees, not even trying to hold back the tears. Liam, his everything, the only family he had, is gone. Just, gone.

His father left when he was just a lad, his mother had died. Emma disappeared. And now he lost Liam as well. He had nothing left to live for.

 

 

_Present time_

 

By the time he finished Emma was crying. Liam had been a brother to her back in highschool, always looking out for her. But even more she had admired him for the great older brother he had been to Killian. She had always looked at the two of them and wished to have something like that. Someone to always look out for you, give you advice, to help you find your way. Liam had been that to Killian. Imagining how Killian must have felt (not that she could really imagine that) when he lost him, broke her heart.

She had been holding his hand the entire time, probably too tight.

“I am so so sorry.” She didn't know what else to say, especially when he looked up at her and she saw there were tears in his eyes as well. But even though he was fighting with tears himself, he brushed her tears away with his hand and gave her a warm smile.

Emma tried to smile back, but it didn't turn out genuine as she had hoped. Seeing though in an instant, as always, Killian pulled her to him and held her close. Their position on the couch wasn't the most comfortable, but she didn't want to let him go, so she shifted until she practically sat in his lap. Her head on his shoulder, his arm around her waist.

When he heard a light snoring he looked down to find her asleep. A single tear was still in the corner of her eye, he caught it with his thumb before it fell down and smiled softly.

Maybe, just maybe, he could finally find a way to survive this day. As long as she was with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you can forgive me that it took so long and that this wasn't really fluffy.....  
> I always love to know your opinion!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in shame* idk know how long it had been...IM SORRY. Who knew going to Canada for 5 months involved that much planning and stress. Anyway I'm leaving for Canada tomorrow so I'm happy i got this finsihed today, however short it may be. And dont worry, I'll continue this, even when I'm in Canada.

The sound of a coffee machine woke her from her slumber and as she opened her eyes she noticed she was not in her apartment. It took her a second to remember the events of the day before, but when she did Emma looked around for Killian. They must have fallen asleep on the couch the evening before, because that is where she found herself that next morning.

But unless the evening before, Killian was not with her. Emma got up from the couch, her neck aching even though Killian had apparently placed a pillow under her head. Ever the gentleman.

She found him in the kitchen, preparing what seemed to be grilled cheese.

“Hey.” Surprised to hear her voice Killian turned around and gave her a soft smile.

“Hey. I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable. I tried to get you to bed last night but you were quite determined to stay where you were.” he replied with a chuckle which made Emma smile instantly. She was glad he seemed better than yesterday.

“It was fine. What are you doing?” Emma nodded towards the meal he was cooking.

“Oh um, breakfast. I mean you don't have to stay for breakfast of you don't want to, but I just thought that maybe-”

“I would love to.” She cut his rambling off which earned her another smile from him and it made the butterflies in her stomach go wild.

“I hope you still like grilled cheese.”

“As if I could ever not like grilled cheese. I gotta admit, I thought you would be more hungover.” Internally Emma slapped herself. He had been in such a good mood and she brought up the day before.

“Ah, well, believe it or not, love, but I've been through worse than that.” And again Emma felt bad for bringing it up, but before she could apologize he continued. “By the way, you hot chocolate is over there on the counter. With cinnamon. You can already go over, turn on the TV if you want to. I'll be right there with the food.”

Emma grabbed her cocoa from the counter, but before she left the kitchen she turned back around. “Killian.”

“Yes?”He lifted his head and his gaze drifted from the food to her.

“Thank you.” With that Emma gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and smiled to herself at his dumbstruck expression and the blush on his face as she left the kitchen.

-/-

It took Killian a moment to process what had just happened. One second he was making breakfast for the two of them and the next her lips were on his cheek and he almost choked.

When he had awoken that morning it was still early, the sun hadn't even risen yet. But there was no point in trying to sleep again due to the headache he got from his hangover. After he had taken a deep breath he looked down to find Emma curled against him on the couch, her head on his chest. The sight in front of him had made him forget about his headache in an instant. All those walls that seemed to surround her when she was awake had seemed gone. She looked so peaceful and he had almost wished that moment would have never ended.

Deciding his headache would be gone faster if he took some medicine right then he got up carefully. He had made sure to lay her down on the couch and put a pillow under her head, knowing the couch wasn't too comfortable.

And when she had walked into the kitchen later, her hair messy and her eyes sleepy he swore she had never looked more beautiful. So when she kissed him on the cheek their kiss in front of her apartment came back to his mind. They still hadn't talked about it, it just never felt like the right time. But he knew they should talk about it, and he wants to talk about. To know if it meant as much to her as did did to him.

After shaking his head to himself he placed their breakfast on plates and went to the living room to join her. The TV was on but she wasn't sitting on the couch as he had suspected, no she was standing in front of his DVD shelf, going through his movie collection.

“You're such a geek.” She commented after hearing his footsteps, turning around and holding up his Star wars collection with a grin on her face.

“Just for your information, a lot of people have the movies at home.”

“Hmm, that might be true. But how many people have the collecters edition signed by three of the actors?” He caught her smirk from across the room and sat down on the couch.

“Let's just eat.” He heard her chuckle as she was walking around the couch to join him. And when her hand grazed his shoulder while walking he swore his heart skipped a beat at the domestic gesture.

-/-

She hadn't exactly thought about what she was doing, it just seemed natural. Drawing her hand back she plopped down on the couch next to him, accepting the plate he was offering her.

“I was just teasing. In fact I'm rather glad to see that you're still you.” He looked up from his plate and their eyes locked.

“And I am still glad that you are you, even after everything you have been through.”

“Ah, well, sometimes I'm not so sure about that.” Sometimes she felt like that carefree side she once had had left with Neal. Her childhood had never been full of happiness, but in her time with Killian she had always felt like anything was possible. That things would get better. He had given her hope.

“I am.” His voice shook her out of her thoughts and she looked back at him. “I know you went through a lot, but despite all that you are still standing here. You're still the same strong woman I met back in high school. You're still Emma.”

_As far as you know..._ Emma couldn't stop those thoughts from invading her mind.

“Well, some of that may be true, but I have changed. A lot has happened. Maybe that is the reason I am, or seem, strong. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?” Emma saw the concern in his eyes. It was obvious he knew there was more to it.

“Emma I know you've been though a lot, but I want you to know that, just as you were there fro me yesterday, I wanna be here for you. So if you maybe need to talk about it with someone, I would love to be that person. I know we missed out on a lot in each others lives in those ten years, but I want to make up for that now. You told me about Neal, but I can tell there's more to it. What happened?” He had always been able to see right through her. _Now or never._ Emma knew that if there ever was a moment to tell him, it was right then. Taking a deep breath she filled in the parts of the story she had left out before.

“When Neal left and I ended up in prison, there was something we both hadn't been aware of. I was pregnant.” She saw Killian's eyes go wide, clearly he had not expected that. “I noticed after a few weeks in prison. And so I got a child, a son, in that prison.” She felt something touch her hands and looked down to see it was Killian's hand, grasping hers in his own. It was a simple gesture, but it calmed her gave her the courage to continue. “I gave him up.” Her voice cracked at that part. It had been a long time since she talked about it and even though it had been a long time it still managed to upset her like nothing else. Not being left herself, but doing that to someone even though she knew exactly how it felt. Emma suppressed a sob before continuing.“I know it must sound cruel, looking at how terrible my childhood in the system had been. But I knew, whatever life he would have had with would be worse. I could only hope he would be adopted by a nice family, that would truly care for him and give him what I couldn't. I was young, and in prison. Not exactly the life for a child. Neal never knew. How would he? It's not like I ever heard from him again.” Emma looked from their joined hands to see his reaction. Was he angry she hadn't told him sooner? That she gave up her son even though she herself had such bad memories of her childhood as an orphan?

When she felt his hand drawing back from hers she swore her heartbeat stopped. He was leaving. He hated her for not telling him before. For giving up a child. All the things she had feared since telling him about Neal seemed to become reality.

But instead of getting up and leaving her there his hand drew back only to cup her cheek. Emma looked into his eyes and what she saw left her breathless. His eyes were full of love and care, but also a hint of sadness.

“Emma I… I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you. And no, it was not cruel. You did the best you could given your situation, which you weren't even responsible for. The only person that should feel bad is that Neal guy. Oh and should he ever dare to show up, I swear to you, it will be the last thing he does.”

“I appreciate your concern, but Neal...that was a long time ago. It's-” But Killian interrupted her before she could finish that sentence,

“Don't you dare say it's okay, Emma. Cause it is not. Yes it was a long time ago, but clearly it still has an impact on your life. What he did is not to be excused in any way. How could I ever just ignore that when he so badly hurt the woman I- the woman I care about.” His hand reached up and brushed away the tears she hadn't even noticed before. When had she started crying?

-/-

“And in case you were wondering, no I am not upset that you told me just now.” Emma looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. “Open book, love.” The small but genuine smile she gave him in return in combination with her typical amused huff made him smile back at her. “I wouldn't have been mad if you had told me in the beginning either, why would I? I understand it's not easy for you to talk about. Simply the fact that you trust me enough to share this with me… I can't even tell you how much that means to me.” And he meant it. Even after such a long time he couldn't believe that someone as wonderful as Emma would choose trust him, to open herself up to him.

“Of course I trust you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it <33


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just all pretend this did not take me almost 3 months and that you all don't want to throw rocks at me. I am so sorry. Being in a new country combined with writers block made this really hard. Anyway, here it finally finally is!

After that morning at his apartment Emma decided to stop running. While she still was not sure how to address her feelings for him, or their kiss, she knew it was not worth being apart from her best friend. And not only that, but they had gotten closer again after their talk that morning. With him knowing about her past and knowing she trusts him, just as she always had, that closeness they had had in their youth came back.

All that was two weeks ago, two weeks with several movie nights at her or his apartment, meeting up for lunch in their breaks and several other shared moments. And as happy as Emma was to just have her friend back, she could not deny her feelings. Whenever he hugged her or sat close to her on their evenings together her mind went back to their kiss. Maybe, just maybe, she would even consider telling him how she feels, now that she is admitting it to herself, but there was still the question of his feelings. Yes, he had kissed her back, he had _definitely_ kissed her back, but what if he regretted it? Or if he thought of it as peck between friends? Okay, now she was being irrational, that was definitely not a peck between friends. But he still might have regretted it. _Or he just knows you well enough (“Open book, love”) to know when you're afraid to not push the subject,_ a small, hopeful voice in the back of her head whispered.

Telling herself this was not the right moment to think about it ( _It's never the right moment with you_ , there was that voice again) she tried to focus back on the paperwork in front of her. If she wanted to grab some takeout food before going over to Killian's place she had to get this done. 

Just when she started getting things done, her phone rang, breaking her focus. Although, her annoyance for being interrupted quickly disappeared when she saw it was Killian who was calling her.

“Hey”, his voice greeted her as soon as she picked up. “I just wanted to ask if we're still on for a movie night later?”

“Of course! I'll bring the food.” Okay maybe she sounded a little too excited for night of hanging out with a friend, so she was left to hope he didn't notice.

“Great. Okay then I have to get some stuff done, I'll see you later?” She could almost hear his smile.

“Yeah, see you later.” Emma couldn't stop the smile on her own face by now.

“Bye.” And with that the line was dead, leaving Emma grinning at her phone like an idiot in her office. That is until she was interrupted, _again_ , by her office door opening.

“What's got you in such a good mood? I doubt that paperwork is that exciting.” Elsa, her colleague and close friend, was standing in her door.

“Nothing.” She replied only to be greeted by Elsa's famous stop-this-bullshit look. “I was just talking on the phone with a friend to confirm plans for tonight.”

“You're going out with Killian?” That caught her friend's attention.

“First of all, who said it was Killian? I have more friends than him, okay? And nobody said anything about going out. Just watching some movies.”

“Honey, there is no other person that has you smiling like that. Plus Ruby told me she has a date tonight and you mentioned it's Mr. and Mrs. Charming's (Emma chuckled at the nickname for her best friends) anniversary today. And since we didn't have plans that only leaves Killian. Also, isn't that like the fifth time in the last two weeks you two had a movie night? Just friends, huh?”

Emma groaned at her friend's very unsubtle hints regarding her feelings for Killian. “Yes, just friends. Friends hang out all the time, it's not that unusual.”  Elsa raised her eyebrow that that, which, just for your information, did totally not remind Emma of Killian.

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Tell him what?” Emma hoped that maybe, if she just pretended like it's nothing long enough, the other woman would let it go. But of course no such luck.

“Come on, Emma. You and I both know there's more to this. I know you well enough to see that without you telling me. Hell, anyone can see it if you keep up those yearning looks whenever he's around.”

“I do not yearn.”

“But you didn't deny there was more to it!” Groaning at her friends ability to trick her into, well anything really. There was no escaping Elsa once she had made up her mind about something.

“Just because I may or may not feel more for him than friendship does not mean I'll tell him. I just got him back, we just got close again. And while the kiss was _amazing_ , I can't risk-” 

“Woah, woah, what?! You guys kissed?!” _Shit._

“It was nothing really.” _Liar_ , the voice in her head so _helpfully_ commented.

“Yeah….No. You're not getting out of this now.” Elsa sat down opposite from her. “Shoot.”

“We may have shared a, very small, unimportant-” _Yeah sure_...”-kiss a few weeks ago. But it didn't mean anything, after all we never talked about it again.” _Not that you gave him any indication you wanted to._

“Oh Emma. I've known you for quite some time now and I can tell that it was more than just a “small, unimportant” kiss, to you, at least. And if you truly have feelings for him, then tell him. I mean, I have yet to meet him -which I want to, by the way- but from what you told me, you two have a very deep connection. And he kissed you back, didn't he? I would say that shows he feels more for you than just friendship. And even if not, which I highly doubt, a friendship, connection like yours would not end due to this. Take a leap of faith, it is so worth the risk.”

 

Her conversation with Elsa was still on her mind when she knocked on the door to Killian's apartment later that day. The door opened and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of him in sweatpants and a Superman shirt with still wet hair.

“Emma! Hey! Sorry I thought you'd be here a bit later, I just got out of the shower.” He opened the door for her to enter.

“Yeah, I got stuff done earlier than expected. Sorry for not texting you I'd be earlier.”

“No need to apologize, love. I'll just go to change into some other clothes.”

“Don't change on my account. I know you're a geek, no need to try hiding it.” Emma winked at him while walking to the counter and putting down the takeout she had brought. When she turned around she saw him scratch behind his ear, a nervous tick of him she was quite fond of.

“Are you sure? I know it's movie night, but I feel slightly under dressed”

“And I'm over dressed. Don't worry" She looked down at her work clothes, a black dress, black blazer and high heels. Definitely not the kind of thing you wear to a movie night.

Killian had followed her gaze and only now seemed to really pay attention to her outfit. “You look magnificent, love.” A blush covered her cheeks and she turned away trying to hide it.

“So...What do you wanna watch?”

“Well, I thought we could stick with a classic, so how about Back To The Future?” Killian walked over to her and helped her unpacking the take out.

“Sounds great. Let's do it.” She shot him a smile before grabbing a beer from the fride and her food before moving to the couch to get comfortable, Killian following shortly behind. And no she did absolutely not feel butterflies in her stomach when he sat down so close to her that their sides were pretty much pressed together.

“How was work today?” He asked while setting up the movie on netflix.

“Pretty good. Finally got that paperwork done that I've been procrastinating. Chatted with Elsa a bit. She is quite upset she hasn't met you yet.”

“Oh yeah? Why so?”

“Well she knows Mary Margaret and David and you know, since we're... _friends_ , she feels like she should meet you. Of course that doesn't mean you have to or anything. I mean I'd totally understand if you have better thi-”

“Emma.” He interrupted her rambling, which she was honestly quite thankful for, and took her hand in his.

“Yes?”

“I'd love to meet your friends.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He shot her a warm, genuine smile and she could swear his gaze dropped to her lips for a second. But then of course it might just be wishful thinking.

And if she just so happened to snuggle a bit closer to his side after their conversation, oh well…

 

The first part of the movie went by quite uneventful, neither of them talking, just enjoying the food and each others company in silence. But with their plates disposed on the table in front of them and only half of the movie left, it felt different. Maybe because she was now painfully aware of how close he really was. Maybe because his arm was draped over the couch behind her back. Maybe because she kept glancing over at him, Elsa's words still on her mind. Or maybe because she could feel his gaze on her whenever he thought she was paying attention to the movie.

_Take a leap of faith._

She couldn't get her friends words out of her head. And so she turned over to look at him, only to find him already looking at her, a slight blush on his cheeks after being caught staring at her.

Their eyes locked and Emma knew that this was the moment. _Just tell him._ She felt her heartbeat picking up as the seconds ticked by, still looking into each others eyes.

But Emma was not good with words like he was, never has been, really. So she did the only thing she could think of in that moment. She leaned forward and brushed her lips against his. His breath hitched in his throat. Emma was about to pull back, because _god, how could she be so stupid. Of course he didn't feel the same way. She ruined it all._

But before she even had the chance to lean back his hand came to the back if head, drawing her towards him once again. And when their lips touched for the second time that moment, she could feel the butterflies in her stomach going wild. He was _kissing_ her. It gave her hope that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for the happy future she had pictured with him.

Deciding that she did not want to waste this moment thinking about things that might not even be happening, Emma sneaked her arms around his neck to draw him closer. And judging by the small moan from the back of his throat, Killian definitely approved.

 

 

 _Gods above_ , he thought, she was _kissing_ him. And after overcoming the first moment of shock he couldn't resist any longer and drew her to him, reciprocating the kiss. And when she put her arms around his neck to pull him as close as possible given their current position he couldn't help the low moan that escaped his throat.

It felt like his entire being was on fire and there was nothing left in this world but her. _Emma._

The woman he had loved for so, so long, in his arms at last. The way he had always dreamed, but never dared hope. And though he did not know just yet where it would lead and what it meant to her, one thing he was certain of: There is no place in this world he would rather be than right there at her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? Yes? No? Leave a comment and tell me! Or if you still wanna throw rocks thats fine too....


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